This Too, Shall Pass

I suffer from a severe form of Fibromyalgia. Among other health problems, that is. At days the pain/weakness/sickness is so bad, that I have to stay in bed until early or late afternoon. I have to take prescription pain medication all day, every day. I take the only medicine made especially for Fibromyalgia. In fact, I am on the highest dose there is. My insurance company will not pay for the full amount I am prescribed, because the FDA does not even approve someone to have that much. It's crazy. But it's the only thing there is, that sorta helps. It doesn't fully help, but it's better than nothing. And the withdrawals! Yikes. I have run out of it at different times, as I was out of refills and didn't realize it. So, I didn't have enough time to call the doctor's office and request the refill (and some times it can take daaaays for them to call it in!), before I ran out. The only way to describe what it feels like, is what I have heard of cancer patients that had sickness from Chemo.

For anyone that is wondering what in the world Fibromyalgia is, I'll try to define it. You can look it up in a Google search, and get so many different definitions. The best way to find out what it is, is to just talk to someone that has it! But, if you don't know anyone with it..

Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain disorder. Basically, for no reason, your body is constantly producing the pain hormone. So, if someone barely touches your shoulder, or shakes your hand too firmly, it can cause great pain. They say that someone gets it from some type of trauma. I know a woman that was in her late forties/early fifties who got it suddenly after a car accident. I think I possibly 'got' it, at the age of sixteen, when I came down with Chickenpox. I had never had it before, and they said it was dangerous for someone my age to get it. Sixteen sure didn't seem old to me, but apparently the older you get it, the more dangerous it is. So, that is possibly when this disease came about. But, I was in an abusive marriage before, with so much mental and emotional abuse, as well as some physical abuse. And many other traumatic things have happened throughout my life. So, it's hard to pinpoint.

Anyways, back to the definition. Fibromyalgia is labeled as a pain disorder, but that just does not do it justice! For those that have severe cases of it, it could easily be labeled a 'life-destroyer'. It causes such weakness, that even standing, or breathing, can seem too much. Just doing those simple things can just drain you to the point of collapsing. It makes you feel nauseated at times, from the intensity of the pain and discomfort. I am 27, and after only about two years of battling it, I feel more like 57. There are times I just can't do things. So, I have missed out on so much of both of my children's lives. 

Yes, Fibromyalgia has robbed me of so much of my life. It has stolen time and could-be memories from my eight year old. It has broken down so much of who I am. But in other ways.. it has been a blessing.

I now have more compassion for the suffering and hurting I see in others. I understand so much more about how hard life can be for those with diseases and disabilities. I am thankful for the things I can do. And it makes me not only willing to help others, but eager to.

I found this poem, and I thought it really expressed well the feelings that someone who is suffering, can well understand. Some of these words could be my own, they reflect so much of my feelings! The picture too, expresses the hope that is there. Even behind the dark cloud.

His name is Jesus.

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I refuse to give into,

The pain that rages over me.

It holds me in it's tight grip,

And never lets me be.

Jesus will be my strength,

Not to succumb to this pain.

I know that God will heal me,

And my faith is not in vain.

I will always keep on trying,

To cope the best way I can.

Though I may not understand,

I accept it's part of God's plan.

I will find comfort in believing,

This pain I feel will not last.

Like many other trials in life,

This too, shall pass.

©Pamela Hall